Early each morning I enjoy a cup of coffee and listen to the news on WQXR radio. Recently two items struck me. The first was the lead news story on military and civilian deaths resulting from the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. The second was an advertisement for a skin cream designed to make the user appear 10 years younger. Both items suggested to me that we are a death-denying culture. Living in such a culture has profound ramifications on the grieving and on those who journey with them.

In a…

Since April is National Poetry Month, I have been trying to determine all month long which poems relating to death and dying would be ripe for blogging. Fortunately, the poems worthy of discussion presented themselves to me when I went to an exhibition recently at the Rubin Museum of Art in Chelsea. They appeared in the concluding gallery of the exhibition called Remember That You Will Die: Death Across Cultures, which for one second seemed like the right title for this blog, but then I thought better of it.

The exhibition itself…

I spent much of Presidents’ Day night on the web searching for blog ideas. Not to worry, I was not neglecting other responsibilities. My husband was at his Pilates class and I was taping 24.

My original thought was to write about Patrick Kennedy choosing not to run for re-election. He is still mourning his father (who was a hospice patient), and he himself has battled depression, bipolar disorder, and substance abuse. I attended a great VNSNY workshop on “Addiction and Recovery in Grief” and was fascinated to learn that people…

I had a dear patient once, my first, who wanted to tell me what it felt like to die. She had dozens of friends, but no siblings, no husband, and no children. She had been married—once in her 50s for about a year—but she divorced her husband because “he couldn’t stand being married to a smart woman.”  She was surrounded by people who loved her, but there was no one in her life with whom she could reveal such intimate thoughts.

Every day was a struggle. She would wake up, acknowledge…

In my time as a hospice volunteer, I have had the honor of working with a wide range of patients at various stages of their illnesses. When I am asked what kinds of experiences I have encountered, I think back to some of the situations that have stayed with me all these years. One patient, a lovely 80-something-year-old woman with beautiful skin, was unconscious each time I visited her. At these visits I would spend time talking to her daughter, who was taking care of her mother herself. I learned…

Do you remember the Jetsons cartoon of the 1960s? Wife Jane and Rosie the maid managed to run the household utilizing space age technology like video phones. I remember throughout the 1980s waiting for the long-promised video phone. All our problems would be solved as we caught up with siblings wearing our pajamas and chatting by video phone.

In 2007 I traveled to Poland for work, and a colleague introduced me to Skype so that I could video chat with my husband each day. I called him at 6 a.m. from Oswiecim…

(Photo by Eric Ward)

I have practiced yoga since 2001. I began a regular practice when my therapist retired, and when I was having some hypertension issues I sought out a private instructor. It is really an excellent way to separate from the day-to-day experiences I encounter. I also appreciate that when you practice yoga you are not in competition with anyone (excluding the leggy and flexible blonde on the mat in front of you) – you are not striving for perfection. You can only acknowledge that you are doing your…