Nearly a year ago, when I wrote the blog When You Meet a Stranger’s Husband, I noted that I was rarely with family when keeping vigil. During the week I met with Ferdinand, I was fairly convinced that we would not see each other again. I was naïve to think this way since we live in the small town of Park Slope, Brooklyn.

Because the first anniversary of Isabella’s death is this week (Jan. 15), I wanted to talk about my unplanned reunion with Ferdinand. It happed on August 15; seven…

My experience on September 11 has been well documented in the media, whether in an interview that took place later that morning in which the reporter’s characterization of me went something like: “said Abby Spilka, in a highly emotional state one hour after the attacks” to the time I was interviewed by Channel 9 News with the screen identification “Eyewitness to Terror.” I have given testimony to the Columbia University 9/11 Narrative and Memory Project and written about it for Museum News. I have blogged about it for the Museum…

I have been a bit neglectful of my blogging responsibilities of late, something I don’t need to remind my VNSNY colleagues. July has been a month of transitions for me. I have a new role at work, which is both exciting and daunting. And while I am still learning to balance official responsibilities with unofficial responsibilities, and taking on new tasks while maintaining all of the old ones would seem to be what is proving to be most difficult, it is not. And this brings me to the other transition…

Twice in the month of March it was my honor to speak at two different volunteer trainings at the offices of VNSNY near Herald Square. Each of these weekend days required traveling through the city early when there were few people on the road or on the sidewalk. It was like the city had not yet awakened, or if it had awakened, it had not yet had its regular coffee with skim milk.

I really enjoy speaking to new classes of volunteers because I want to convey to them how special they…

Recently, I read a story written by a nurse. It was about a patient who did not design a Living Will that accurately recorded her end-of-life wishes so that her family members could refer to it. The story recounted in vivid detail what the patient had wanted for the end of her life, and what was done instead. As a nurse who has worked at hospital bedsides for many years, I too have witnessed similar scenarios play out. In essence, such a story should remind us of how important it is to have…

Tonight I had dinner with my old friend, Dave. Dave and I met the first week of my freshman year at UCLA. We performed improvisational comedy together every week for five years at school. Our paths have crossed off and on over these, um, 20 plus-years, but we try to have dinner once a year. This year we’re on a roll – we’ve had two.

Dave is a drama therapist and life coach, which allows him to offer up some pretty astute insights, especially when I’m not expecting them.  As I…

New York Methodist Hospital, my local medical center in Brooklyn, has created an in-patient hospice unit and a group of VNSNY Hospice Volunteers has been cross-trained to be NYM volunteers. Our mission is to be on call for patients in need, particularly to be present at the bedside of an actively dying person.

Around 4 p.m. last Thursday, the e-mail went out asking for volunteers to be with a patient that night. I signed up for the 10 p.m. to midnight shift. While it seems an odd time for volunteer work,…

When hospice volunteers are assigned patients, we are given guidance by members of the entire medical team: the nurse, the social worker, the volunteer manager, the spiritual care counselor and the bereavement counselor. We are all working together to help the patient say good bye in a way that offers peace.

Among the important milestones are helping the patient say: I’m sorry, I forgive you, thank you, I love you, goodbye. Not all statements are required for all situations, but we try to be mindful of the dynamics at play, which…

One of the most rewarding aspects of being a hospice volunteer is the commitment that VNSNY makes to our continuing education. We all want to improve our skills and be better practitioners, even if we are just practicing. We want to be ready, when the time comes, for anything.

For three consecutive Tuesdays I am participating in vigil training, which means I am learning how to be present when someone is actively dying. Hospice has a philosophy that no one should die alone, and when patients come to us who don’t…

What I question is my ability to provide support to my husband, John, as he struggles with father’s illness from 1,000 miles away. I would know what to do if I were with his father, Bob. I don’t…