This past weekend my husband and I attended the Johnson County Iowa Relay for Life, a fundraiser for the local chapter of the American Cancer Society. We have gone to five of the past six (2008 was postponed because of the terrible flooding in that part of Iowa). The first two years John’s parents ran the food booth, and we handed out pork burgers, brownies, Gatorade, and pizza to the walkers from 6 p.m. until midnight. (I am pretty sure that this menu was not given the American Cancer Society seal of approval.)

The relay is a 12-hour-walk-a-thon around a track usually timed to coincide with the hottest, wettest, and stormiest weather Iowa can muster.

Rituals define the relay. All survivors announce their names, type of cancer, and how many years he/she has been cancer free. We all cheer and hoot and applaud as each person walks by wearing the purple survivor t-shirt that says on the back “Happy Birthday is our victory song.”

The first lap of the relay is the “Survivor Lap” and is usually led by a handsome bagpiper, but this year John wanted to help his dad and did not bring his pipes. Instead, when Bob tired of walking, John pushed him in a wheelchair.

The second lap is the “Caregiver Lap” and all those in attendance who are or who have ever been caregivers join their survivors for this go-round. Last year when Bob had beaten his fourth bout of cancer we proudly ran onto the track crying as the U2 song “Beautiful Day” was blasted on the PA system. It was an unforgettable moment. This year we joined the group quietly, wiping away our tears so that Bob wouldn’t see them. Bob’s friends came up to him to hug him and ask him how he was feeling. His wry response: “Pretty good for a dead man.” His six to nine month window of life expectancy came and went with the month of May, and he seems to be in down right good humor about it.

As emotionally draining as this event is for John and me, Bob gains strength from seeing his friends. He is like the Grand Marshal. There is no doubt that Bob is a fighter. He is not complaining. He is walking…slowly… and enjoys a pretty good quality of life. He is becoming a bit of a bingo hustler and chose where to dine to celebrate his and Dorothy’s 51^st wedding anniversary on Sunday.

At the Iowa City Farmers Market the day after the relay, I met the head of Bob’s cancer support group. Mary made a point of telling me, “Bob is such an inspiration to all of us. He teaches us how to live and he teaches us how to die.” She went on her way and left me among the rhubarb and homemade pies to ponder the true measure of a life.

Be well.