For many of our elderly patients, their grown children often become the primary caretaker.  But what happens if you live far from your parents, or competing demands in your own life make it difficult for you to help as much as you would like?

I recently encountered a patient and her son that had to navigate through such issues.  Although it is becoming a common situation that many face, we are still not always sure of what the best course of action should be.  What I found with my patient and her son is that they had already discussed different senarios and what course should be taken.  The lesson they shared with me was simple:

• Have a frank discussion of what expectations would be if the parent lives alone.  For instance, should the parent stay home and receive home care services or look to alternatives, such as assisted living?
• Discuss the status of finances. What can the family afford?  Does the parent have long-term care, Medicare, Medicaid or a private health insurance. They were fortunate that they could hire a private home attendant for four days out of the week, but is this something that can be sustained indefinitely?
• Discuss who would be appointed on the Health Care Proxy, a document that allows that person to make health care decisions when one is unable.

Although it may be a difficult conversation to have, it is important to have a plan in place. I’m glad my patient and her son had that talk…have you had one in your family? Share with us how it went!